Sometimes People Go Away Forever

My grandmother showed me how to make my hands into fists and punch down the bread dough in the big white pan with the red trim around the top. It was so hard to wait for it to get big and puffy before I could do it. She also let me pick radishes out of her garden and sit on the bench under the big willow tree and eat them. Grandma told me I could go into her garden because I was special. She always made me feel special.

One day my mom was crying like I had never seen her cry before. She told me my grandmother had gone to heaven to live with God. I did not understand why that would make her cry. My cousin said I was just a kid and too dumb to know that meant she had died and was never coming back. I called him a liar and said Grandma would never do that. He said "Well, you will see. She is never coming back.' I told my mom what he said because I was angry with him and thought I would get him in trouble, but mom said it was true, we would not see her anymore.

My heart was broken into a million more pieces that it was with the coloring book because I knew my mother would never lie to me. Now I thought I knew where Daddy had gone, too, and I was sad beyond words.