I try to forget it all

One night I was listening to my dad hit my mom, and then he took her into their bedroom and I heard her crying for a long time while he was grunting. I couldn't stand it anymore so I started to hit my head against the floor. Even though it hurt, it also felt good, because I felt like I could knock all the bad thoughts out of my head that way. I started thinking I could beat my head so bad that I wouldn't remember anything that had ever happened to me, and couldn't make new memories, and that would be nice. I wanted to be brain dead if it would just help. Nothing helped, I just got a bad headache and dad shouted at me for making a racket.