A few weeks after our daughter was born, I was standing at the sink washing dishes when my husband came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, started kissing me on the neck, telling me how much he loved me. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. I reminded him that it was too soon for sex. But he just grabbed me and told me he'd have sex any damned time he pleased. He dragged me into the bedroom, threw me on the bed, tore off my panties and raped me-all the while saying that I'd damned well better get it right this time and give him a boy. When he was finished, he rolled over onto the bed and said, "You know I still love you, baby, don't you?"